[for romain]

[umbralla]

[It's not hard to find Ghyslain when he's not in class or the dorms - he doesn't go out a lot, and when there aren't classes in the music room, he'll most likely be there. How often do you find a giant grand piano to play, after all? Even his family had a much smaller one, slightly out of tune, which grated on someone with such a natural ear when he came back from lessons and had to practice on it.

Today he's playing something he remembers his older sister listening to; not his kind of music, but the musician was damn good on piano, so the melodies stick out and he picks them out when he hasn't got a song in mind. It's slow at first, then picks up to the actual speed of the song, light and flourishing.

He's clearly in his own world, pale eyes dreamy and head swaying back and forth. In a soft, deep voice, he tries to translate the lyrics he can remember, but they come without scansion and rhyme because it's so off the top of his head.]

Comments

[quantities]

[There's really no way Romain can get aroused again, but God, if it had been any other time he'd be completely hard and crying for release. The look on Ghyslain's face and the pitch of his voice makes everything so incredibly intense, more intense than he remembers it having been in a long time, hand closed tight around the fabric of his shirt and words pleading for a kiss between little whimpers. And, fuck - he's whimpering too, completely incapable of helping himself. It's as uncontrollable as the other boy's thrusts into his hand.

He's barely doing anything worthwhile, and yet here he is, coming apart at the seams. But if he wants a kiss, Romain is absolutely going to give him one. As many as he likes, in fact. He leans down quickly and their mouths connect, kissing hungrily, sucking on his lips and pushing his tongue against his. This might just be their best kiss so far, if just because of how delighting it is for the both of them.]

Tu es là? Ghyslain, [He breathes, freezes a little just to watch his features again, and then his hand jerks faster than before, steady and swift.] Viens -

[quantities]

What - really?

[he arches his brows. He somehow thought Ghyslain would be more sentimental than that. But if it's perfect...]

So you're not hurt or anything.

[umbralla]

[No, Romain isn't fully aroused, but he's lost again. He's drowning in Ghyslain's pleasure. Ghyslain is just aware enough to hear that in the sounds he makes, feel it in his kisses. All he wants is for Ghyslain to feel good - pure pleasure.

And then his voice, his words, and Ghyslain comes as though he really is following orders: instantaneous, hard, whole body shivering as the orgasm moves through him. Romain's name comes out on the edge of a cry, just before he collapses back into the bed with a gulping breath in and a shuddering one out.

He's a mess. His pants really didn't come off. But the discomfort is the last thing on his mind, because his whole body is still humming and Romain is still there and panic has yet to set in. (It's telling of how he thinks that there's a yet there, but it's just a tiny, quiet worry for now.)]

Romain... [It feels like all he can say anymore. Now it's a low, hoarse breath, totally different from his shrill voice on the way up, matched by heavy-lidded eyes. He's more in awe than ever.] ... merci.

[umbralla]

I think… that it is more mature, your way. Always to cling and beg for more, that is like a child.

[As he was just told. He's sure of it, now that both people he wants have presented this approach to him, and they're both older. If it's not what he wants, it's what he should want. And he thinks it's safer, no matter what - Romain will be there, in his life, without the potential for a break up. Friends can work through things without that chasm always waiting to devour them.]

And I have said. I have grown beyond expectations. You have not hurt me. [Je t'aime is complicated, so he's happy for English just this once.] I like you as well.

[quantities]

[Romain shudders when he feels him coming in his hand, almost startled, hot fluid now wet and sticky on the both of them. He only realizes then that his breath is hard and fast, mouth dropped and eyes dazed. Well - there's a distinct difference between a boy and the other girls right there. Romain is never quite sure of when the orgasm hits exactly, and he'll often just keep stimulating them after after they've reached climax, but with guys it's... obvious when it happens, isn't it.

So he stops, and, more out of instinct than any deliberate provocation, runs his fingers up the length of his cock to squeeze around the crown, pushing a couple more droplets out. Then he just lets his hand rest there, between his legs, until he lowers his head and rolls off and down on his back.]

Merci?

[His chest isn't heaving, but it's close. His hand is filthy and he definitely feels it, but he's past caring about getting the sheets dirty. Smiling. He's smiling.]

Elle doit être la première fois que quelqu'un me remercie.

[quantities]

Oh. Well... That's good.

[No, it is. Not that Ghyslain says it in the most optimistic manner, but it works. Right?]

So. Yeah.

[umbralla]

[He smiles once more, but it's not the bright, powerful thing it was before. That so means it's his turn.]

Now I must speak. And what I say, you cannot repeat.

[umbralla]

[That smile on Romain's face nearly makes his heart explode with relief. So far, it's okay. Everything's okay.]

I feel - you have given me something. So I thank you.

[He's only got one clean hand as well, but he's able to shift so that he can use it to comb through Romain's hair again. He liked that, right?]

Ouais. Merci.

[quantities]

Yeah, of course. ['you cannot repeat'. Why would he repeat anything he says to someone else? Well - aside from the talk with Celeste, no one else even heard about that first night. he sits down on the bed with him.] Go ahead.

[quantities]

[Oh. He definitely liked that, and still does.]

Well. Merci to you too.

[can he sleep now. is that allowed.]

[umbralla]

[It's not so much a warning geared toward Romain as - something he'd say to anyone he told. This is not a story he ever expected to tell, and his skin is crawling with nervousness, hands gripping his knees.]

When I was rejected for the Secondary orchestra, Fallon said that it was my own fault. He said – that I waste myself on modern music. But he also said that I was a prodige, and that private tutoring would fix my mistake.

[There’s no hint of that smile now. He’s small again, pale, eyes far too large in his face and more shadowed than ever.]

He taught me many things.

[umbralla]

[Of course he can. He'll be messy as hell in the morning, but Ghyslain will just keep stroking his hair until he does fall asleep, then -

- go change and wash his hands, tbh. Then he'll climb in as well, close to Romain without actually holding him. That's a whole different line to cross.]

[quantities]

[Fallon. Pinset's first name, right? It's not weird that a music student should know it, but definitely weird that he should use it. Romain remembers doing the same, and that's why he immediately frowns.

No. Don't think that - but then Ghyslain keeps talking, and oh God...]

... yeah?

[umbralla]

[He's sticking to English again, aside from the few mistakes that come from similar words, to give his thoughts that extra focus. Choose his words carefully.]

This was the first that lasted longer than - once. I could not believe he would come back. Every time, I could not believe. I was so happy. To have this kind of attention, I thought...

[Sucking on his lower lip for a second.] ... it was not always good attention. Sometimes it was no attention at all, but that did not last. I learned how to get the attention back.

[quantities]

[yeah he's just going to sleep now. snore here and there. nothing that should keep ghyslain up all night unlike other things

And then morning comes, and he barely even realizes where he is because he's got his body tucked against the other boy's and he's too comfortable to move away.

Until he remembers what happened before he fells asleep. and... yeah. his hand. oh god, his hand.

no sudden movements. but what does he do now?]

[umbralla]

[He'll have about five minutes of sweating it out before Ghyslain murmurs softly, shifts his head and tries to stretch out his body only to realize the proximity of the other boy.

No, he wasn't blackout drunk. But he definitely didn't expect Romain still to be here when he awoke.]

... Romain? [A tiny whisper. Is he awake?]

[quantities]

[... shit. shit shit shit. No. Not him. Not a kid like Ghyslain. No wonder he looks so vulnerable - so sad. And with a creep like Pinset? It makes him feel sick.

(Is that how Ghyslain would feel if Romain told him about Elena? He might just be underestimating his strength, but... he looks so broken about it, all the while maintaining the facade.)]

Is what why...?

[They were fighting.]

[umbralla]

[He swallows hard at that, gripping his knees even tighter.]

When all of the attention stopped, I became upset and angry. He told me that I was a child and that I had seen things that were not there. Now - now he tells me that I am an adult, and if I am ready for what he wants, I can have it back.

[And oh god, what did he do.]

[quantities]

[his heart is at a million an hour, made worse when Ghyslain speaks up and breaks whatever spell had Romain wrapped up and staring at him - because he still looks beautiful and he is pretty damn sure he is 100% sober right now, so the drunk theory is right out the window.]

Yeah - [he chokes, then clears his throat within three seconds.] I'm here.

[and yeah, he's surprised about that too.]

Didn't mean to wake you up. [but he's glad he did, so he can disentangle himself now.]

[umbralla]

[He immediately misses Romain's close presence once it's gone, but - no, he's awake now, and sober as well. He knows those aren't the kinds of feelings he can entertain. What he has to do is make this easy, the transition out and away.]

I can make it dark. [Still whispering, eyes still closed.] In the hallway. Like a - panne de courant, when the lights die. No one will see you.

[quantities]

Ghyslain - no. You can't let him do that.

[He's a fucking hypocrite for saying that, because if Elena came back and spoke the right words he'd be under her spell all over again, even if it only lasted one night. But he knows it's so wrong at an intimate level. He sees that now. Even more so when he sees it happening to someone else.]

He's an asshole. And he's a professor. Worse, he's an asshole.

[Romain doesn't need to know him to be absolutely certain he deserves better.]

[quantities]

[... okay, so his mind is still yelling at him for all the confusing things he's feeling, but he has to smile incredulously at that.]

What - like I need you to rub the walk of shame in my face?

[umbralla]

Now? [Ghyslain's laugh is entirely unpleasant, a bit chilling.] Now I cannot. I have cursed at him, said terrible things. He will probably remove me from the program, or I will fail every course.

[He does whatever the fuck he wants. And right now his pride has to be stinging, so that'll probably mean ruining one student's life. Just one among many, what's the difference?]

Je suis ruiné.

[umbralla]

[He doesn't entirely understand that sentence, but his eyes still fly open at the word "shame."]

Non! I did not mean - I feel no shame. [Slowly, he starts to sit up, becoming aware as soon as he moves of a horrible throbbing at the back of his skull. He groans, but manages to get himself upright.]

Je - je ne sais pas -

[What to do. What to say. How to deal with any of this.]

[quantities]

No! He can't do that. There's no way. They've gotta know how good you are, he can't just cut you off. We'll -

[Go to the board. And immediately upon getting that thought he knows how useless it'll be. Sure, he could have tried with Elena when she took advantage of him, but what good would that have done. She told him exactly what happen to boys and girls who slept with the faculty and couldn't keep it to themselves: they were told to hush, threatened to get kicked out if they didn't, and instructed to move on for the sake of the academy's reputation. Their teachers were valuable; the students had yet to prove themselves.

Good thing he was in love the whole time, otherwise he might have tried.

So... fuck.]

There's gotta be something. You gotta have something on him, right?